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When I decided to change career and start a house clearance business, three key things drew me to this work: contributing to the circular economy, getting physically active after 20 years behind a desk, and most importantly, providing a meaningful service to people during challenging times.
It's this last point I want to explore today, specifically regarding working with people experiencing bereavement. House clearance often comes at a time of familial loss, typically after the death of a parent or loved one, when families need to handle their relative's possessions. This administrative task (or "sadmin" as it's sometimes called) can be overwhelming. Since I expect bereaved families to make up a significant portion of my customers, I want to ensure I'm properly equipped to help them. Anyone can clear a house, but doing it with empathy and sensitivity allows me to offer something more valuable.
Taking Steps to Understand Bereavement
Having been fortunate to experience relatively little bereavement in my own life, I recently completed a Loss and Bereavement Awareness webinar with Cruse Bereavement Support. The 2½-hour session was led by an impressive volunteer with extensive experience as a support worker and counsellor. The insights I gained were both eye-opening and profound.
Bereavement, Grief, Mourning - There's a difference
Understanding the Basics. One simple but powerful distinction I learnt was:
Bereavement is what happens to you
Grief is what you feel
Mourning is what you do
What I Learnt About The Nature of Grief
Contrary to popular belief, grief isn't a linear journey through five neat stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). Instead, it's messy, multifaceted, random, and unpredictable. Perhaps most importantly, grief doesn't have an endpoint where everything returns to "normal." Instead, people develop a "new normal," where their loss becomes integrated into who they are.
Individual Experiences
Every person's grief is unique, and every death affects people differently. There's no hierarchy to grief and no set timeframe. Factors affecting grief are numerous: personal experience, type of relationship, depth of connection, and type of loss, to name a few. Loss can range from the death of a newborn to an elderly parent, from losing eyesight to losing a pet - each bringing its own specific impact.
It's like a galaxy of different stars - each one similar in one way but vastly different or distant in another. This was particularly eye-opening for me, as I hadn't previously considered the many ways grief can manifest - through feelings, physical sensations, thoughts, and behaviours.
Working with the Recently Bereaved.
As a business owner, learning how to communicate effectively with bereaved people was particularly valuable. While grief is complicated, being supportive doesn't have to be. One crucial lesson was understanding the difference between empathy and sympathy:
Empathy is the ability to share and understand another person's feelings
Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone else's misfortune
This distinction dramatically affects how we communicate. I learnt that listening and acknowledging are far more helpful than offering advice or trying to find silver linings - something I'll need to work on, as I naturally tend to problem-solve or search for positives.
What Bereaved People Often Need
The course taught me that bereaved people often seek to:
Be heard, understood, and acknowledged
Talk to someone who isn't personally involved
Share their loved one's story
Be reassured their feelings are normal
Understand how other aspects of life might be affected
Perhaps most importantly, I learnt that truly supporting someone through grief means accepting that you can't "fix" their grief - and that's okay.
Moving Forward and Providing the Best House Clearance Service
While my role as a house clearance provider may not require direct bereavement support, this training has equipped me to navigate these sensitive situations with greater awareness and empathy. Understanding the complexity of grief will help me provide a service that respects and acknowledges what my clients are going through, even if in a small way.
My commitment to professional development goes beyond just the practical aspects of house clearance. It's about understanding the human element of this work and ensuring I can offer the most considerate service possible.
I hope you found this interesting. I wanted to record my learnings to both share with readers but also document what I learnt for me to come back to again if needed.
If you have had a recent loss. You don't have to deal with it alone. Cruse Bereavement Support are experts in grief and bereavement and are always ready to help. https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/
Thanks for reading.
Matt
Owner/Director, Everett's House Clearance
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